


In The Middle of Summer

by robinrunsfiction



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Young Veins
Genre: Drinking, F/M, Rework of something I wrote previously, Romance, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 02:19:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19163818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinrunsfiction/pseuds/robinrunsfiction
Summary: The journey of the relationship between Ryan and (YN) over the course of five summers





	1. 2005

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [What Summer Ever Meant To You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14784539) by [robinrunsfiction](https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinrunsfiction/pseuds/robinrunsfiction). 



> What’s old is new again! Due to personal reasons, I have revised a story that I had previously written for a different fandom. That story “What Summer Ever Meant to You” is much more close to the true story and events that happened to me. This story was based off those events, but goes a different direction.
> 
> Also with regards to the AOL screen names, according to my research those are Brendon and Ryan’s old livejournal screen names. The dialogue in the instant messages? Real. Saved by weirdo me in 2006 on my external hard drive because I knew that it might make something interesting one day.

**Spring 2005**

The end of the school year was filled with celebrations for the senior class. (YN) was preparing to leave for college, but before she could start to focus on that, she had to throw her annual Fourth of July party. She had been throwing Fourth of July parties for her friends since middle school when her parents started to let her buy fireworks from the stand at the corner store. It was an event she looked forward to every year.

That afternoon of her party, (YN) put out coolers full of soda, snacks and her parents fired up the grill as she waited for her friends to arrive. Brendon and Ryan were the first ones there. She greeted Brendon with a big kiss. Ryan gave her a dejected look once she and Brendon had separated from their kiss, so she gave him a hug as well. Not long after, more people showed up and everyone was having a great time talking, laughing and eating. Once the sun started to set, it was time to go to the park to watch the city’s firework display.

"I can take 4 in my car,” (YN) called as the group gathered up blankets and coolers.

“I can take a few in my car” Spencer announced as well.

“I have my mom’s minivan” another girl called out. The convoy made their way to the park and staked out a large open space. Some of the families sitting nearby looked on disdainfully as the group of loud teenagers descended upon them.

(YN) found herself sitting on a blanket by Ryan, as she couldn’t find Brendon around at first. She kept glancing around and eventually spotted him talking to some other girls. She shot Ryan an annoyed look and he just shrugged in response. 

“We aren’t going to make it to the end of the summer.” (YN) said out of nowhere as she stared into space.

“You’re going away for school, are you surprised?” Ryan replied.

“No, it’s just annoying. He doesn’t have to act like he’s already single.”

“He’s making a mistake, but that’s his problem.” Ryan said with a reassuring smile. 

A few minutes later Brendon finally rejoined them and settled in to watch the fireworks display. Brendon wrapped his arm around (YN)’s shoulders, but she looked over at Ryan and rolled her eyes. She wasn’t going to forget what Brendon had been doing minutes before.

~

A couple weeks later Ryan had just gotten home from hanging out with Spencer and Brent and was turning on his computer in his room when he glanced out the window and saw Brendon walking down the street from (YN)’s house. He signed in to AOL Instant Messenger and saw (YN) was online. He hadn’t talked to her since the Fourth of July, so he felt he was due to give her some crap.

 

 

> **i_amclandestine:**  did I just see Brendon leaving again? you crazy kids
> 
> **(YSN):** yea, actually he just dumped me
> 
> **i_amclandestine:** ouch, sorry.
> 
> **(YSN):** whatever, I knew it was coming
> 
> **(YSN):** I should have done it myself when I had a chance :(
> 
> **i_amclandestine:** doesnt make it any easier
> 
> **(YSN):** you’re telling me. 

Ryan did his best to try to change the subject and get her mind off the heartbreak. She appreciated the gesture, and after chatting for about an hour she went to bed feeling much better than she was before.

~

The rest of the summer the friends spent as much time together before the gang went their separate ways. On a Friday night, they found themselves in the bowling alley for a sendoff party. (YN) was in front of the claw machine game, loading it with quarters in an attempt to win a stuffed green tiger. 

“Damnit!” She yelled, hitting her fist on the glass of the machine as the plush toy fell just outside the shoot. Ryan noticed and walked up next to her.

“You want me to win it for you?” He asked.

“No!” She shot back. “I wanted to win it myself, but I’m out of quarters.”

He reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. “Here, try again.”

She took a quarter from his outstretched hand and put it in the machine and started maneuvering the claw above the stuffed cat. She pressed the button, dropping it and it grabbed the toy, pulling it in the air. Ryan watched (YN) as she held her breath as the claw moved the stuffed toy over the shoot. As the timer ran out and the claw opened, the stuffed cat fell into the opening and she pulled it out triumphantly.

“Yes! I did it!” She shouted, holding the cat in front of Ryan’s face.

“Nice job! Although some would argue that I’m part owner of it since I did finance this.”

“Fine, I’ll let you have weekend visitation.” She said with a grin. He grinned back and a flutter went through her stomach. Was she starting to feel something for Ryan? He was Brendon’s best friend, she wondered if that would make any of this weird.

They went back to bowling and he sat down next to her and started playing with the stuffed cat. “Ya know, if you take this off to school with you, I’ll have to come visit you to get my visitation.”

“Well then sounds like I’m going to be that weirdo with a stuffed animal in her dorm,” she said with a smile.

The rest of the night at the bowling alley, she found herself flirting with Ryan whenever she got a chance. It felt good to be getting some attention for the first time since Brendon dumped her a few weeks before.

~

Ryan was working on a new song when he heard the phone ring and saw it was Brendon. The friends made small talk for a while until Brendon got to the point of his call.

“So I was talking to Gabe about his going away party. He said you and (YN) were kinda all over each other.”

“I don’t know why that matters, you’re the one that dumped her,” Ryan retorted, irritated that Brendon would even bring this up.

“Come on! You know that’s kind of weird. Besides she’s gonna be going away to school soon, do you really think it’s gonna work out?” Brendon asked.

Ryan sighed. He really had hoped Brendon wouldn’t find out, and if he did that he would be ok with (YN) and him going out. The guilt started to eat at him. It’s not like things had gotten off the ground between (YN) and him yet. He ended the call and went to bed that night with a sick, sad feeling in his stomach. The next day he had resolved that he had to talk to (YN). That evening when he signed on to his computer and saw she was online.

 

 

> **i_amclandestine:** (YN), are you busy?

(YN) was going through her clothes and deciding what to take with her to school, but was more than happy to take a break to talk to Ryan.

 

 

> **(YSN):**  not really, what’s up?
> 
> **i_amclandestine:** so, the relationship between us
> 
> **(YSN):** yea
> 
> **i_amclandestine:** are we only a short term thing for you
> 
> **i_amclandestine:**  till you find someone in college?

She was taken aback. What was he trying to say? That he didn’t want to pursue anything these last weeks of summer?

 

 

> **(YSN):** If that’s what you want
> 
> **i_amclandestine:** well i was wondering what you were thinking
> 
> **(YSN):** I really have no idea
> 
> **i_amclandestine:** k, so i was thinking
> 
> **(YSN):** yea
> 
> **i_amclandestine:** i figured that soon as you go to college that we wouldnt be seeing each other for awhile maybe on hoildays and stuff but thats the only times i guess
> 
> **i_amclandestine:** and im sure that you would find someone in the school year
> 
> **(YSN):** I’m actually gonna be back more often than that
> 
> **(YSN):** but I guess I’m wondering where we stand then

She sighed, she felt that nervous feeling in her stomach again. She knew deep down where this was going.

 

 

> **i_amclandestine:**  I don’t know if i want to anymore

She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. How could she be so upset over something that never went past flirting?

 

 

> **(YSN):** That’s what I thought you’d say
> 
> **i_amclandestine:** ok, but friends still
> 
> **(YSN):** duh
> 
> **i_amclandestine:** good friends
> 
> **(YSN):**  right!
> 
> **i_amclandestine:** better than friends
> 
> **(YSN):** where are you going with this?
> 
> **i_amclandestine:** nowhere, just checking

Ryan sat back and sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. He knew it sucked now, but she was a pretty girl with a great personality. She was smarter than he could ever hope to be, and it was in his own best interest to let her go off to school without him tying her down from a distance.

(YN) dried her eyes and put a My Chemical Romance CD in her player before turning back to her computer. Ryan was still online, but it seemed like the conversation between them was done for the night. She saw Brendon was online and felt compelled to talk to him. She needed a different male perspective. She filled him in on everything that was going on, not sure if Ryan had talked to him or not, but she wanted him to hear her side of the story.

 

 

> **(YSN):** so now I have another “good friend”
> 
> **part_time_lovah:** you’re gonna be alright
> 
> **(YSN):**  yea, I’m just disappointed and bummed out
> 
> **part_time_lovah:**  yeah, but he’s a good guy
> 
> **(YSN):** Brendon, I met you because of him. I’m aware he’s a good guy, I’m just thinkin I’m gonna take him out of my myspace top 8 for a while
> 
> **part_time_lovah:**  right
> 
> **part_time_lovah:**  well i gotta go to bed, night (YN)
> 
> **(YSN):**  night, and thanks for being a good friend
> 
> **part_time_lovah:**  you bet…i promised you that I’d always be there for you when needed

After that night, (YN) spent the last few busy days of summer packing and cleaning her room to leave for college. She spied Ryan around the neighborhood but decided to just leave him alone. After a few days she wasn’t mad at Ryan any longer, but she was still disappointed that he wasn’t willing to try with her. She was looking forward to the fresh start that college would provide.


	2. Summer 2006

**Summer 2006**

(YN) had come back from school and reconnected with most of her friends who had spread out for college. She had got a job at an ice cream stand to make a bit of spending money and fill up some of her free time. After the first month of summer break had passed without too much going on, she decided that she would throw her annual Fourth of July party again as a way to get everyone together. When the day arrived, she wasn’t surprised to find Ryan and Brendon were the first to show up in her parents’ backyard.

“Hey guys!” She said running up and giving each of them a hug.

“Hey (YN), how was school?” Brendon asked.

“Pretty good, my roommate was kind of crazy, but I have lots of photos of everything, wanna see?”

“Sure” Brendon replied. She glanced at Ryan, he seemed to be nervous when she hugged him, and he didn’t seem too interested in her photos. She picked up the envelope and started to flip through.

“Ok, so this was my half of my room, they were so small!” She found the one she was looking for and pulled it out and handed it to Ryan without saying anything. It was a photo that showed her bed, with the stuffed green tiger sitting prominently on her pillow. Ryan felt his heart skip a beat when he saw it.

“You’re behind on your visitations” she said with a laugh. She wanted him to loosen up since she had moved past the stupid failed attempt at a relationship that they had the summer before. He wanted to be her friend, but most of their interactions while she was away at school had been very surface level and he certainly never asked if she was seeing anyone.

He let out a chuckle and handed the photo back to her. He seemed more interested as she showed them the rest of the photos of the friends she made, and some scenic photos of the campus.

Eventually more of their old gang arrived and the party really got going. When the sun started to set, the group got into their cars and headed to the park for fireworks. Ryan rode with (YN) and a few others. She turned down a side street to park so they wouldn’t be caught in the traffic jam after the fireworks were done. As everyone piled out of the car, Ryan tried to shut the door, but it wouldn’t latch.

“Shit, I can’t figure out what’s wrong with it,” (YN) said after a few minutes of looking at the latch and the door. “I’m gonna call my dad to come look at it, you can go catch up with others, I can wait here.”

“I’m not going to leave you sitting on the curb by yourself,” he replied sitting down and settling in. About twenty minutes later (YN)’s dad arrived with a tool kit to fix the door.

“Probably should have mentioned that it’s been on the fritz for a while now,” he said as he set to work. “Also thanks for waiting with (YN), Ryan.”

“She tried to tell me I could go!” Ryan said ratting her out and (YN) shot him a look.

“(YN), I hope you aren’t being that foolish on campus.”

“I’m not Dad, don’t worry.” (YN) replied rolling her eyes. Ryan chuckled to himself.

“Ok, it should be all set now.” Her Dad said as he finished the door. “If you hurry, you should still make the fireworks.”

“Thanks Dad, let’s go Ryan.”

“Thanks Mr. (YLN),” Ryan said waving at her Dad as they hurried off to the park. They were still a block away when they heard a boom. They both looked up at the sky as the first firework burst above them.

“May as well stay here” Ryan said, leaning against a building and looking up. (YN) leaned back next to him. They stood silently watching the colors burst in the night sky above them. After a few minutes she let herself slide toward him. He glanced down at her subtle movement and matched it until her shoulder was resting against his upper arm. Once the fireworks ended, (YN) suddenly stood up from the spot where she was leaning, and Ryan almost fell over, no longer having the support there.

“Come on, might as well wait for the others by the car,” she said with a laugh as she headed back the way they came.

~

The rest of the summer (YN) spent her time working, while hanging out with her friends whenever she got the chance. She and Ryan kept finding themselves flirting with each other when they were at the same party or hanging out, but it never went past that point.

The night of her last shift at the ice cream stand, (YN) was working at the cash register taking orders. The stand was very busy since the night was warm and clear. She sighed as she looked at the long line waiting to order still. As she punched in orders, she spotted a few familiar faces. After a few more customers placed their orders and moved off to the side to wait for their ice cream, she spotted Ryan and Spencer. She caught Ryan’s eye and flashed a grin at him. He smiled and waved at her. When they got closer in the line, she realized that they were not there alone, they each had a girl that they were talking to, apparently on a double date.

(YN)’s smile faded, and Ryan glanced up at her while she was busy at the register and saw the look of disappointment on her face.

“Hey, isn’t that (YN)?” Spencer asked when they were almost to the front of the line.

“Yea, it is,” he said as they moved up to the window to place their orders. “Hey (YN), how’s it goin?”

“Good, thanks. You guys know what you want to order?” She asked, smiling weakly at her friends. She could feel her hands starting to get shaky, like they did when she was nervous.

Spencer and the girl he had his arm around placed their orders and paid, then Ryan and the girl by his side placed their orders and he paid for them both. They walked on to the window where they would pick up their orders and Ryan glanced back at her over his shoulder. She was already on to the next customer and didn’t notice him. After she finished with the next customer, she looked over at Ryan and he was laughing at something Spencer had said to the group. She felt a twinge of jealousy as she refocused her attention on the customer in front of her.

After her shift was over, she trudged down the street toward her parents’ house. She heard laughing voices and looked over and saw Ryan, Spencer, and their dates sitting on Ryan’s front porch. She kept her head down and continued home. Feeling dejected and alone wasn’t how she wanted to spend one of her last nights of summer, but she knew she’d be back at school soon enough.

She turned on her computer and started to get out her PJs to get ready for bed. She soon heard a notification ding.

> **i_amclandestine:**  hey did you just get come from work?
> 
> **(YSN):**  yea, saw you guys when I went by
> 
> **i_amclandestine:**  Spencer’s still here, wanna hang out?

(YN) sighed. It was tempting. She didn’t want to go back to school on a low note, she may as well hang out with them.

> **(YSN):**  yea, I’ll be over in a sec

She pulled off her work uniform shirt, pulled on a t-shirt, slipped her shoes back on and snuck back out of her parents’ house and down the street to Ryan’s home. Spencer and Ryan were still sitting on the front porch.

“Hey (YN) how’s it goin?” Spencer asked as she approached.

“Good now that I’m done with work,” she said sitting down on the steps.

“You guys want a beer? My dad won’t notice if a few are gone,” Ryan said getting up.

“Yea, sure” Spencer replied and (YN) shrugged in agreement. Ryan hopped off the porch and went around the house to the garage to grab the beers.

“You guys have a good date night?” (YN) asked Spencer once Ryan was gone.

“Yea,” he replied, a dreamy look coming over his face. “I really like Cheryl. We’ve been going out for a few weeks now.”

“Nice,” (YN) commented. She wanted to ask about Ryan and the girl he was with, and Spencer must have sensed that.

“Yea, the other girl was her friend that just got dumped and Cheryl didn’t want to leave her alone another night, so Ryan stepped in.”

“Well isn’t he just the perfect gentleman?” (YN) said with an amused tone as he came back around the corner of the house.

“Who me?” He asked with a goofy grin as he handed them their beers.

“Duh,” (YN) replied as she took a swig of her beer. Spencer looked between (YN) and Ryan. Were they aware of the obvious chemistry he was seeing between them?

The three friends spent the rest of the night hanging out in the cool summer air. (YN) was relieved that Ryan had reached out to her, this was how she had really wanted to spend the end of her summer.


	3. Summer 2007

**Summer 2007**

(YN) had gotten a job as a tour guide on campus and didn’t come home from college that summer. She did find herself getting lonely for her friends from back home, since most of her friends from college had left.

One Friday night she was bored and buzzed from drinking the last of the alcohol that an older friend had purchased for her. She signed on to her computer and was not surprised to find most people weren’t online, but she saw Ryan was, but had an away message up saying he was working on new music.

> **(YSN):**  Ryaaaaaaaannnnnnn I’m bored, come back!
> 
> **(YSN):**  save me from my boredom

* * *

 

She went back to surfing the internet and heard a ding and the AIM window was blinking.

> **i_amclandestine:**  hey sup
> 
> **(YSN):** I’m bored and I’m out of booze and everyone has a life except me
> 
> **i_amclandestine:** I don’t have a life either then, im home on a Friday writing music alone
> 
> **(YSN):**  You should finally come up to visit!
> 
> **(YSN):**  You should bring Spencer or Brendon too, I promise a good time!

Ryan didn’t respond for a few minutes and (YN) started to worry she had scared him off.

> **i_amclandestine:**  sorry im back
> 
> **i_amclandestine:**  yea that would be cool, let me talk to them, maybe we can come up next weekend?

(YN) did a happy dance in her chair when she saw his response.

> **(YSN):**  can’t wait!

~

The following weekend Spencer and Ryan were on their way up to visit. (YN) knew there was a party that she would take them to since she was too chicken to try to get a fake id to get into the bars. She knew having a police record would do nothing to help her get in to graduate school.

As part of her employment, she was staying in a furnished suite style dorm on campus that came furnished with four bedrooms, living room, two bathrooms, and a kitchenette. After her last tour of the day, she ran to the store to stock up on snacks and sodas and waited for her friends to arrive. She sat by the window and waited for them to pull up. When she saw them arrive in the parking lot, she hurried down to let them in.

“Hey guys! Come on in!” She said holding the door open for them.

“Nice place you have here” Ryan said as they walked into the building.

“I have a whole suite to myself because they’re remodeling some of the other buildings right now. It’s the best!” She said as she led them to her room. “So you guys can pick whatever bedroom you want, I’m over on that end,” she said gesturing to the far end of the suite. “I know some people who are having a party tonight, you guys wanna order pizza or something before?”

“Sounds good to me,” Spencer said flopping into one of the chairs in the living room. “We got the pregame covered too.”

“Oh yea!” Ryan said opening up his duffle bag and pulling out the alcohol.

“I knew I loved you guys for a reason,” (YN) said with a grin. This was about to be the best weekend she had in a long time.

~

After drinking a few beers and eating too much pizza, the group headed out to the party. There were plenty of people already there and a keg was set up in the back yard. (YN) greeted her friends and introduced Ryan and Spencer

(YN) had a couple more beers and somehow got cornered by a pretentious guy who didn’t realize that she was totally bored with their one-sided conversation. (YN) started looking around and spotted Spencer and tried to get him to look in her direction, but he never noticed her. Then she spotted Ryan and shot him a look which he recognized immediately.

“There you are,” Ryan said sliding up next to her and wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

“Who are you?” The guy asked Ryan incredulously.

“I should be asking you the same thing! Who do you think you are hitting on my girl?” He retorted. Ryan pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he started to lead (YN) away.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “He was so obnoxious.”

“No problem,” he said with a grin, keeping his arm around her shoulder.

After a couple hours at the party, Spencer had too much to drink, so they helped walk him back to her suite.

“(YN), I swear to god I’m giving up the band and coming up here, we’re gonna go out every weekend and it’s gonna be awesome,” Spencer babbled as they walked down the hall.

“Sounds like a plan!” she giggled.

The three of them tumbled into her suite and (YN) sat down on the kitchen floor with a bag of chips. Ryan laid down on the floor on his back staring up at the ceiling as Spencer locked himself in a bathroom.

“If he pukes all over my damn bathroom, he has to clean it up” (YN) said with her mouth full of chips.

“Don’t be gross,” Ryan replied.

“You’re gross,” she retorted.

“Nuh uh, I’m your hero,” he said sitting up.

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” she said kicking at him, but missing him completely. Spencer then came out of the bathroom and sat down on the floor as well, resting his head against the cabinet door behind him.

“I drank too much,” he slurred.

“Yea we all did,” Ryan replied.

“How awesome is it gonna be when we’re all 21? You guys are gonna come back for my birthday right?” she asked.

“Oh yea, if it’s anything like tonight, we’ll be here.” Ryan answered.

The three of them decided to then watch a movie in the living room. Ryan dragged one of the spare mattresses out and put it on the floor, in front of the couch while (YN) was taking off her makeupand putting on comfy clothes. When she came out, Ryan had a stack of DVDs he was looking through and Spencer was snoring on the couch.

“Is he really out?” she asked gesturing at Spencer.

“Yea, looks like it. What do you wanna watch?”

“Put in Raiders of the Lost Ark” she replied. He nodded and put in the movie. She sat down next to him on the mattress.

About half way through the movie her legs were getting stiff from how she was sitting, and her eyelids were getting heavy.

“I’m gonna lay down, don’t be like weird about it,” she said putting her head on his leg.

“Who says I’m gonna be weird?” Ryan replied.

“Shut up,” she retorted, the combination of alcohol and tiredness limiting her witty replies.

The next morning she woke up asleep on the mattress on the floor of her living room, no longer using Ryan’s leg as a pillow, but rather his arm. The other one was wrapped around her waist as he slept behind her.

She slipped out from under his arm and into the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind her. She squinted into the mirror at her own face, thoughts racing through her mind. How did they end up like that? Did it just happen naturally while they were sleeping? Was it intentional? After finishing in the bathroom, she went into her bedroom and fell asleep for a while longer in her own bed like she had intended on doing hours before.

Once (YN) and the guys woke up, they all went out to get breakfast at a diner before the guys headed back home. (YN) keep trying to tell what Ryan was thinking, but his face gave away nothing.

But Ryan was barely paying attention to the conversation at the table, his mind was back in her apartment. They had been watching the movie, sitting a normal friends-length distance from each other when about halfway through (YN) put her head on his leg instead of going to get her pillow from her room. He had been sitting cross legged, but he started to get tired and the movie was almost over, so he had laid down on his side trying to not disturb his sleeping friend. Unfortunately (YN) woke up enough to sit up and make a whining noise at him, eyes barely open. He couldn’t help himself in that moment.

“Come here,” he had said, holding his arms open from where he was laying. She had smiled and laid her head on his arm. He let his other arm come down around her and she giggled a little in her sleepy state and snuggled into him. When he woke up the next morning she wasn’t there, but Spencer was still snoring on the couch behind him. He got up and peeked his head in her open bedroom door, and spotted her sleeping in her bed, her eyebrows knitted together as if whatever she was dreaming about was distressing her. He quietly went back to the mattress on the floor of the living room, deep in thought about whether she would remember any of what happened in the middle of the night, and if she did, whether it meant anything at all, or if he was just a good pillow.

Back at (YN)’s place the guys packed their things up and moved the mattress back to the spare bedroom. As she walked them out, she gave Spencer a friendly hug, and then she and Ryan made eye contact for the first time all day. She held out her arms, like he had done for her the night before, and she gave him a tight hug that lingered longer than the one she shared with Spencer. The guys then got in the car and waved as they drove off.

(YN) kept in touch with Ryan the same as usual for the rest of the summer before she came back to home for a few weeks at the end of summer. Nothing more was mentioned of the visit, but (YN) was thinking about it every night she struggled to fall asleep, wishing he was there to wrap his arms around her again.


	4. Summer 2008

**Spring 2008**

> **From:** Ryan Ross
> 
> **To:** Jon Walker, (YFN) (YLN), Spencer Smith, and 3 others
> 
> **Subject:** RE: Brendon’s birthday
> 
> Hey everyone,
> 
> The final plan for Brendon’s surprise birthday party is to be at the house by 7 pm. Spencer is gonna take him out for dinner after practice, I’m gonna tell him that I have a call with a record company that I can’t miss and Jon will let everyone in to set up. JON IF YOU RUIN THIS SURPRISE YOU ARE OUT OF THE BAND!
> 
> Ryan

(YN) laughed to herself as she read the email from her friends. Brendon had no idea that they were all going to descend upon him for his 21st birthday. Well they weren’t going to be there on his actual birthday, but that made the surprise even better. Despite the fact that they dated in high school, she still considered Brendon among her closest friends from home, even though she had spent more time with Ryan and Spencer over the last couple years. She also shared a lot with Brendon when they dated that she wouldn’t be able to share with anyone else, so he would always hold a place in her heart.

(YN) had lied to her professors and told them she had internship interviews and would need to be out of class on Friday so she could get home on time. She knew she had to make this trip happens since she already did have an internship lined up for the summer and she wanted to see her friends again since she would be busy all summer.

Jon and Ryan got back to the house where (YN) and a few others were already waiting on the front porch, already drinking. Jon wrangled everyone into the house and he and Ryan started to set up. (YN) settled in front of the window to keep watch for Brendon and Spencer.

“Guys, everyone hide, they’re coming!” (YN) shouted and everyone rushed back to the living room to hide. Jon was wandering around with a Polaroid camera snapping photos of everyone. (YN) found herself next to Ryan behind the sofa. He gave her a grin and she rolled her eyes and laughed.

They heard the lock in the door and as Brendon and Spencer came in everyone jumped out and yelled surprise. He looked completely shocked at the crowd in his apartment.

“What the fuck?!” He exclaimed as everyone rushed forward to wish him happy birthday, Jon happily snapping more photos. Everyone grabbed a drink before they headed out to the bars.

After hopping between a few different bars, (YN) found herself talking to a guy who was actually pretty interesting. They had been talking for a while when Ryan slid up next to her and put his arm around her shoulder.

“Hey (YN), who’s this?” Ryan asked, looking the guy up and down.

“Dave, and yo-“ he started, but Ryan cut him off.

“We’re gonna go to the next bar, ready to go?” Ryan asked (YN), blocking out Dave who just shook his head and walked away.

“What the hell?” (YN) asked shrugging Ryan’s arm off his shoulder. “I didn’t need you to save me.”

“Well it’s not like you’re gonna go home with that guy. You aren’t so stupid to leave with some stranger, are you?” He asked. She rolled her eyes as she marched back over to the group. She knew he was right, but she didn’t want to admit it to him.

The rest of the night (YN) was irritated but tried to hide it as to not ruin Brendon’s birthday. (YN) had planned ahead of time to crash in their basement for the night. She didn’t sleep well thoug, as she could hear the others still talking in the upstairs until late, and the futon was quite uncomfortable.

The next morning after getting a few hours of sleep, she woke up with a note under her hand. She opened it up and it read:

_Sorry I ruined your good time last night. I was just trying to look out for you. R_

She neatly refolded the note and quietly got dressed before she went to the kitchen to find coffee before her drive back to school. She wandered to the living room and found Jon was up.

“Hey, check these out,” he said holding up photos he had taken the night before. “You can take whatever ones you want. Spencer also brought out some he found from back in the day.”

She sat down next to him and started looking through the photos. One made her pause. It was a photo of her and Ryan huddled behind the couch the night before waiting for Brendon to arrive. He was staring at her adoringly as she stared off at the door, oblivious to the look that was on his face.

“Like that one?” he asked. “I think I saw that look before too.” He said flipping through Spencer’s photos and pulled one out and handed it to her. It was from the senior prom and Ryan was looking at her in a very similar way to how he was looking at her in the photo from the night before. She vaguely remembered Spencer taking photos that night, but she didn’t recall seeing that one before.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she scoffed, but she could feel herself blushing. “That’s just his face.”

“Uh huh,” Jon replied, clearly not believing a word she said. He dug through the stack and pulled out one of Ryan and his prom date and handed it to her. Then another of Ryan and Spencer. “Yea, it’s just his face when he looks at the girl next door.”

(YN) rolled her eyes. She handed back the photos, except for the one of her and Ryan at Prom and the photo from the night before. She slipped them in her back pocket, next to the note Ryan had written her.

“Tell everyone I said bye, I gotta get going.”

“I will,” he said with a smile as he continued to flip through the photos.  


	5. Summer 2009

**Summer 2009**

(YN) had applied for, and gotten into, the graduate program she wanted to. She  graduated from college and moved home as she waited for her lease to start. Being so busy for the last year, she had admittedly let her friendships go by the wayside. She was very glad when Ryan reached out to her to invite her to a Panic show at the bar the next week.

* * *

 

“Hey guys! How’s it going?” (YN) said as she found her friends before they took the stage. The band all greeted her with hugs and they caught up with each other. As more people pushed their way into the bar for the show, (YN) found herself pressed against Ryan. She didn’t acknowledge that it happened, and he just calmly put his arm around her waist.

After an amazing show, that ended with the whole crowd chanting “Panic! Panic!”, which (YN) started, it was closing time and everyone had to go. Ryan walked (YN) back to her car.

“So you glad to be back?” He asked.

“It’s always nice to come home, I kinda wish it was for longer, honestly.”

“When do you leave again?”

“In a few weeks,” she said leaning against her car. “I’m really sick of packing and unpacking. I will be really glad to be settled in for a while. But soon enough you'll know what that’s like when you get to tour and have to be living out of a suitcase.”

“Its probably gonna be sooner than you’d expect. I’ve been in talks with Pete Wentz, of Fall Out Boy, he wants us touring this fall.”

“Ryan! That’s incredible! Congratulations!” She exclaimed throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him into a hug.

They continued to talk until they were both leaning against her car. She found herself craving more physical contact like when she hugged him, or they were pressed together in the crowd. There was a lull in the conversation and she ran her hand through her hair and looked up at him.

They had so many moments like this, both of them together on the edge of something, and after each opportunity slipped by he always regretted it. It all started with that moment when he let fear get in the way and called off what could have been a relationship before it had even began years ago.

(YN) couldn’t be absolutely certain that he liked her as anything more than a friend, but she hoped he did. It felt like he did, there were too many moments of what if and almost for there to be nothing.

The tension between them was finally too much to bear. Ryan bit his lip, then leaned down and pressed his lips to hers the way he should have years ago. His hand found her cheek and her arms wrapped around his neck. His tongue slipped past her lips and she leaned into him. Sparks flew between them from the moments they were connected. Years of wondering now satisfied, a new wondering beginning in both of their minds.

“So you coming to the fireworks on Thursday?” He asked when they separated, running his hands through his hair nonchalantly, trying to hide his excitement.

“Umm yea, I think so, are you?” She asked, feeling her heart race and hands starting to shake.

“I’ll see you there.”

“Good,” she replied. She moved to open the car door, but he leaned in, opening it for her, and closing it behind her and waved as she pulled away. Her stomach twisted into knots, not knowing what the Fourth of July would bring.

~

On Thursday night (YN) made her way to the park with her friends. They found a spot to lay out their blankets and waited for the show to start. As they were waiting, she looked around for Ryan, but he was nowhere to be found. It was starting to get dark and (YN) became certain she was getting stood up and was starting to feel disappointed. She let her mind wander and let doubt creep in.

Suddenly she heard running footsteps approaching. She glanced back and saw Ryan and Brendon hurrying over best they could without stepping on anyone sitting on the ground. (YN) broke into a grin at the sight. Ryan plopped down next to (YN) as the first firework went off. “Hey, sorry we're late, we got the call last minute to play a barbecue. It’s small, but anything to get our name out there.”

“No worries, you’re here now,” you replied. Ryan planted a kiss on your cheek and wrapped his arm around your shoulder as the show began.

“The fireworks are amazing this year,” you murmured, eyes trained to the sky.

“Their beauty is nothing compared to yours,” he whispered tenderly.

(YN) looked over at him prepared to tell him off for being so cheesy, but the sincerity in his eyes caught her off guard. She leaned in and kissed him. Ryan leaned her down onto the blanket and they continued to make out, oblivious to the fireworks, their friends shouts of “Get a room!”, and Brendon asking if he could join in.

Ryan offered (YN) a ride home after the fireworks ended and the group dispersed. When he pulled up in front of her parents dark house she let out a sigh from the passenger seat.

“Ryan?”

“Hmm?”

“Is this a good idea?” She asked quietly.

“What? Us?”

“Yea. I’m about to leave, you’re going to tour-"

“No, no,” he said interrupting her. “No (YN), I'm not letting this happen again. We aren’t ending before we begin again. I want to be with you, I’ve wanted to be with you for years,” he said grabbing her hands in his, his eyes pleading with hers.

“And you know what? I’ve waited almost five years for this. Imagine where we could be if you hadn’t chickened out way back then Ryan, and who knows how many times in between.” She knew she was being harsh, maybe even to the point of pushing him away, but she couldn’t help it, she was scared.

“Oh come on,” he said exasperated. “I love you, I have for years. It killed me a little every time I saw Brendon sneaking into your house, I wished that was me.”

(YN) was stunned. “Ry" she murmured.

“You’re right, you’re right, I have chickened out so many times, but I’m done. I’m done being scared and I’m going to fight for you, for us, with everything I have.”

(YN) pulled her hands from his and grabbed Ryan by the back of the neck, pulling his lips to hers. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, overcome with emotion.

“You’re right,” she breathed between kisses. “We can do this.”

He nodded, not breaking apart, hands on her back pulling her closer. After a few minutes, things were heating up quickly. They pulled part and Ryan glanced at the back seat and (YN) glanced at her house.

“Come on,” she said getting out of the car and heading toward the house.

Ryan sat stunned for a moment, watching her before jumping out and following her into the house and up to her room.

A few hours later, they were lying in her bed, her head on his bare chest, his arm around her, holding her close. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and she looked up.

“I didn’t say it before, but I love you too, Ryan.”

He nodded and closed his eyes, a content smile playing at his lips. “No matter where we go, as long as we're under the same moon, you'll be my one and only.”


End file.
